19.11.17

Six weeks today.
Six whole weeks since this little madam arrived.
Six whole weeks of love.

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So. Six weeks ago, I thought I’d have my shit together at this point. Six weeks ago,I thought I’d be settled as a mummy, enjoying cuddles, little smiles and a nice little routine.
Yet here I am, six weeks later, rocking the pyjamas with the baby spew and the nipple leaks, bags bigger than my shopping bags under my eyes, and hair that hasn’t been washed in too many days to mention.

Just when i thought we’d got into a bit of a routine during the night (3hrly wake up calls, totally do-able) – this week, Liv has decided that she wants mummy to see every hour on the clock. Day AND night.
I guess thats what i get for using the swear word that is ‘routine.’
We’d got into a nice little ‘routine’ in which she would cluster feed from me most of the evening (yep, still happening) and then my husband would give Olivia a bottle last thing, so I could get to my bed early and get at least 4hrs of sleep, which was an absolute life saver. After the bottle, she would finally admit defeat and fall asleep around 11pm. She would then usually wake around 2am, 5am and then 8am. Cope-able. In fact, I hate to admit, I was a little smug.
Then six weeks hit, and although she’d have a couple of hours sleep, she’d wake around 1am and that would be her.
I would feed her, change her, rock her, wrap her up, remove some clothes, cuddle her….. NOTHING would put this baby back to sleep.
As I frantically googled ‘why the f@#% won’t my baby sleep?!’ I eventually figured that she was going through a growth spurt – feeding constant, clingy and crying a bit more. Now, in my rational mind, I knew that growth spurts (thankfully) don’t last forever. However, in my sleep deprived mind, I had visions of never sleeping ever again and thoughts of whether you could actually die through lack of sleep.
Thankfully, we seem to have turned a bit of a corner. Five nights of minimal sleep and last night, she actually settled after her 2am feed. Hallelujah!!
I’m not going to tempt fate, as it was only one night but by god, it’s progress!

We had the health visitor again this week. She has been coming more regularly than what she normally would have; not only because she’s a prem baby, but she’s also been struggling to put on weight. The last time she was weighed, at 5 weeks, she had JUST got back to her birth weight after 4 weeks of maintaining. Although she wasn’t losing weight, it was a huge stress knowing that she wasn’t gaining like she should. Espeically since I was breastfeeding and not knowing how much she was getting. I was still having problems with feeding and I’d agreed with my husband that if she still had poor weight gain, it was enough to make the change to formula feeding- I was gutted at the thought but I needed to do what was best for Liv. Surprisingly, when she was weighed, she’d put on a whole pound! I couldnt believe it! Well, I could, since she was feeding 23 out of the 24hrs in a day….but still! The 6 week growth spurt has worked!! It’s been 100% worth it!! Well, 99% worth it. The 1% evil part of me would’ve liked a bit more sleep.
Nevertheless, it was just the boost and the kick up the arse I needed to get on with it and give the breastfeeding a little bit longer.

Due to the sleepless nights, I’ve really struggled to get motivated to do things during the day. It doesn’t help that it’s Winter so the weather is miserable and it feels like it’s permanently dark – it makes it far too easy to hibernate and eat my body weight in biscuits….
My goal in the new year is to definitely get out and about and start going to some baby classes. It’d also be nice to get out and about on some walks to help get rid of 3 of the 4 chins I’ve developed since having Liv.
But hey, That’s a few weeks away yet. I’ll just have one more slice of that raspberry sponge with my tea….

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