09.09.18

Forty eight weeks today.
Forty eight whole weeks since this little madam arrived.
Forty eight whole weeks of love.

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My baby girl turned 11 months old this week. I can hardly believe that I’ve had eleven whole months of getting to know her and loving her fiercely. They’ve at times felt like the longest months (especially those early days, where the nights would come and go with half an hour sleeps peppered in there somewhere) yet ultimately, they’ve sped past in the blink of an eye, especially these last few months.

This month brought about the world of movement for her – something for which she seems VERY happy about. Forever crawling, climbing and stepping, she takes endless amounts of delight from touching anything that she shouldn’t. One particular instance involved a nasty bruise to the head after swinging off my floor lantern – after a little cry, she was straight back on to it…. Obviously she learns as fast as her mother.
One area I’m not particularly succeeding in at the minute is identifying boundaries for her and trying to get her used to the word ‘No.’ At the moment, whenever I use the word or try to distract her from touching something she shouldn’t, she turns round and gives me the biggest smile, accompanied with a little giggle. As if she finds it hilarious that she’s doing something she shouldn’t and that i can’t stop her.
Is this quite common? Or is my child broken? I’m not sure if there’s anything else I should be trying or whether I’m getting ahead of myself and she’s just not quite old enough yet.

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Weaning-wise, we’ve come to a bit of a stand still recently. I’ve found that since Liv still doesnt have any teeth, it seems to be hindering her weaning development slightly. We’re VERY lucky in the fact that she tries (and enjoys) nearly everything we put down to her and she particularly enjoys finger foods and being able to feed herself – the only problem being that a lot of finger foods are harder or solid. She normally sucks the foods until they’re soft enough for her to eat but recently I’ve found she either gets fed up of the effort and gives up halfway through or she’ll just not try in the first place. Its frustrating as i know she loves a lot of fruit & veg but she’d never manage some of them. It’s also meant that a lot of her meals are still having to be mashed or be soft enough for her to just swallow.
Has anyone else found the same if their babies don’t have teeth? Or even better, does anyone have any tips or tricks to suggest so that she doesn’t miss out/become fussy with lumpier textures.

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Post partum mental health has taken a bit of a front seat in my life again recently. A friend of mine confided in me that she had been struggling a little with her new baby. She’d initially thought it was her hormones settling combined with sheer exhaustion, but as things are settling and it’s been a little while, she’s realised her mood hasn’t quite ‘recovered’ as quickly as everything else has. It took a lot for her to speak to me about it and it was only after I spoke to her first about how I still struggle some days with my emotions, that she felt she could tell me about it all. I felt bad that I hadn’t given off the impression that she could tell me regardless but then when i put myself in her position, I realised I’d be exactly the same. Not so much from fear of judgement, probably more so out of shame. Id feel ashamed that i wasnt coping or ashamed that despite having so many beautiful things in my life, that i still felt down. Which is just absolute crap. How dare mums be made to feel guilty, judged or ashamed for feeling a little blue after they’ve had a baby! Our lives as we know them are turned upside down – our routines and lifestyle turned on their heads, to accommodate for this tiny human – It’s no bloody wonder we all think at least once – ‘what the fuck have I done?!’ or ‘is this gonna be my life now??’
I still have days where I feel like I’m doing nothing right or days where the mum guilt kicks in after I spend an evening fantasizing about time away from my teething, moany child. And that’s just the mum-related issues. Just because I have a child now, doesn’t mean all the rest of my life has become rosy – there’s still the day to day problems, money worries, family stresses etc. I’m never going to be the person that shouts about the tough things going on in my life, or the type to make my problems everyone else’s, but there’s a happy medium and I have learnt to be a lot more open with close friends recently. I’m so lucky in the few that I have, that I can share, judgement free and the favour is always returned.
And hopefully, just hopefully, by sharing any issues I have, it will encourage others to share theirs too.
‘A problem shared’ an all…..

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